Is it by choosing not to feel?
Is it by lifting heavy weights?
Is it by being able to see and love your own reflection?
Is it by pursuing dreams of wonder and wealth?
Is it by running faster and talking louder than others?
Is it by knowing and choosing human worth?
Is it by crushing the people around you and walking on top of them like it's nothing?
If so, I don't care about this strength. I’d rather be left alone with all of my weaknesses.
Then what is this strength that I'm talking about, that I'm looking for and desperately in need of?
To be honest, I don't know really. The only thing that I seem to be sure of is that I want it, that I need it!
Funny how sometimes we may sense a deep and strong need for something and at the same time be completely unable to define it.
I question myself a lot, with so many questions that bring even more questions, going full circle and getting grayer as the iterations go.
Now, how can I decrypt the puzzle and bring the pieces to their rightful places? I wonder.
Many of us, like me, have been and are often challenged about who we are. How I am as a human, as a man, as a lover, and lately, how I am as a father.
My manhood, my fatherhood, taking all kinds of hits from all kinds of places.
Hits that do not show, without any bruises.
Hits that we cannot hear, without any sound.
But inside, inside it feels like a tsunami.
To become strong, could it be:
To choose to not give up and not be defeatist about the whole world?
To rise once more after being beaten down, even if it's slowly, even if it's while staggering, but rising and rising again?
To accept—or rather to learn to accept—the things that cannot be changed, and to remind ourselves that we have very little control in life?
To keep going without knowing the right path, but going and trying anyway?
I tried, I try, and I will keep trying.
This is the only way I know.
The only way I believe in.
As for where all this will this lead, God only knows...
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